MONDAY
“I would like breakfast.”
“The desk is ready, sir.”
“What are you speaking about? Have you ever gone mad?”
“There’s a pot of tea and a boiled egg with troopers, sir.”
“That’s not breakfast. I would like my normal breakfast. Plover eggs, quail eggs, swan eggs, recent cream, recent ham, recent goose, honey from Lebanon, sweets from Belgium, that inexperienced fruity factor grown by my loyal topics in New Zealand. Fantastic place. At all times welcome there. Anyway. Get my breakfast. I would like my breakfast.”
TUESDAY
“I would like lunch.”
“The desk is ready, sir.”
“What are you speaking about? Have you ever gone mad?”
“There’s a mince pie from the petrol station, sir.”
“That’s not lunch. I would like my normal lunch. Watercress that was placed on ice at 4:30am, Windsor pheasant, Highland smoked haddock, Quebrada de Humahuaca Andean potatoes however be sure to keep away from heavy starches. I would like to remain slim. Mustn’t get fats. Can’t sweat it off as everybody is aware of. Anyway. Get my lunch. I would like my lunch.”
WEDNESDAY
“I would like dinner.”
“The desk is ready, sir.”
“What are you speaking about? Have you ever gone mad?”
“There’s left-overs from breakfast, sir.”
“That’s not dinner. I would like my normal dinner. I would like Hampshire watercress panna cotta with parmesan shortbread and quail egg salad for first course, adopted by natural Norfolk hen ballotine wrapped in courgettes with a thyme and savoury infused jus, and for dessert I’ll have vanilla ice cream bombe with Kentish raspberry sorbet inside with flippantly poached Victoria plums. Then if I’m peckish I’ll—the place are you going?”
THURSDAY
“Eventually! New workers, I see. Good. Final lot had been garbage. It’s my birthday, and I’m hungry. Get me breakfast. I would like my breakfast.”
“I’m putting you below arrest, sir.”
“What are you speaking about? Have you ever gone mad?”
“I’m formally arresting you on suspicion of misconduct in public workplace. We’re taking you to Aylsham police station. There’s a automotive ready.”
“Don’t you recognize who I’m?”
“A person in his sixties from Norfolk.”
FRIDAY
“I’m house. Whats up? Whats up? Is anybody there? Anybody?”
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